As I stumble through life I find myself wondering if people ever truly mature? I realize it more and more as I age. You think that instinctively that if a person is older that they should indeed be more mature, but this is not the case. I can say that when situations get tough I see more people regress to petty childishness than actually own up and try to fix the problem. It begs the question, how many people like that are there in high-powered positions? Government offices, or even something as important as the American presidency. I honestly think there is something like a light bulb that goes off or a switch that gets flipped for people to gain a sense of maturity, but sadly many people never have such a revelation and circuits are left wide open. Above all, it is insanely maddening. It makes me want to interact with people less and less as time goes on.
It’s 2:16 am on Tuesday, November 20, 2007. It’s T-minus 3 hours until I am officially no longer a teenager. It’s really weird to think about. This is my last blog as a teenager! It seems like those years really flew by. So, much has happened in only 10 years to shape me. It’s probably going to be the most crucial decade in my entire life in terms of growing and changing. If I just take a quick jaunt down memory lane the first thing I think about is all the people that used to be so important in my life. I would have done absolutely anything for them and now I barely talk to them if I do at all. I am not necessarily sad or upset by this it is just interesting to see how much time just a couple years can make. I have shared some of my most intimate thoughts and best times with these people. It’s growing up I would imagine. I really do want to thank all those people who I have lost contact with, somehow you have changed me, or helped me to change myself. Also looking back I remember all the pain that came along with getting me to where I am today. That is something I probably will never, ever forget. I hate to whine about stupid petty stuff, but growing up hurts. It hurts a lot. It reminds me of the quote from Little Miss Sunshine when Frank is talking to Dwayne about Proust.
“..he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, ’cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn’t learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you’re 18… Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.”
There is really a lot of truth today. I think when I first got my heart broken. I mean really, really broken. Debilitating physical pain broken. That’s when I made the most self-realizations and grew the most as a person. I just come back to how much has happened in only 10 years. It’s just too much to go over. It’s been good and I wouldn’t trade all the pain, suffering, good-times and unforgettable memories for anything. I really am going to miss the innocence that comes with being a teenager, but at the same time I am fully ready to assume responsibility for my life. The future does not scare me. I am ready for the ups and downs it brings. I am going to try to make this coming decade better than the last. So, here is the closing to one chapter of my life and the opening of an entirely new one. Happy 20th me!
Hey guys, It been too long. Instead of my usual lame apology, I will just say I apologize for nothing. I have been busy, I’m in college now. I guess I’ll just give you kind of an update on my life. Currently, I am taking 19 credit hours. Which, for the most part, is eating all of my free time. It’s not all bad I enjoy what I am doing. I can tell right now these next 3 1/2 years are not going to be easy ones. I have done some growing up over the past 4 months. I am starting to get a perspective on what’s important, or rather what’s important now. I spent so much time worrying about frivolous things before. Which probably explains my less than stellar grade performance last semester. Right now my goal is to get the grade, nothing else. If that means sacrificing of a social life so be it. I see it like this. I sacrifice 4 years of my life, but the payoff at the end is enormous. It’s almost if someone gave you a dollar and told you to save it for 4 years and it could become a million. I will still have fun, and I won’t continually have my head in the books, but that’s the most important thing. Not girlfriends, jobs, videogames, or partying. It’s a tough transition. I more or less skated through high school and all school for that matter; so for me to actually sit down and try is very different. Maybe this is what becoming an adult is about? Accepting responsibility. Thinking about more than just instant gratification. I am quite happy with the direction my life is headed. My personally philosophy in life is no regrets and accept responsibility for your actions. If you do something, accept what happens because of those actions. Don’t whine or complain, You always have a choice. As long as I can put my head down at night and know I haven’t regretted anything I have or have not done. I can sleep. I’m sorry if this sounds preachy, I’m just kinda letting you guys know what kind of things I have been thinking about.
In other news, It snowed today! It snowed a metric buttload too. I am so excited, I wish I could go sledding right now. I kind of had an impromptu snow fight with a girl in one of my classes. It was short and not much of anything, but it was fun. Walking while it is snowing is so surreal. It’s probably the best feeling ever. I am realizing how much time that writing this isn’t taking. I believe that I will indeed be making more entries. I like to have something to look back on. I also like telling about my strange happenings throughout my day. So, everyone. This is my official statement. I’m making a comeback.
And this part of the blog is something I promised I would do for someone. Megan you are totally awesome. If we (Megan and I) had kids they would glow and beat up your kids. I’m glad we are still friends.