On Settling and Why I Can’t Do It.

That picture is from the book Post Secret by Frank Warren. It is more compiled by Frank Warren than written by him. Before I get into the meat of this just a little plug for Post Secret. Post Secret is a project by Frank where people anonymously send him decorated post cards reveling their secrets. He has a website where you can see them or buy one of the five books.

Out of all the books this is my favorite secret; not for it’s sincerity or depth, but for it’s sentiment. It’s one that I think get’s swept under the rug in relationships far too often. I will say right now, in no uncertain terms, that I would rather be alone than settle for someone who less than what I am. If I hold myself to a standard, why is not OK to hold a significant other to that same bar? I respect myself enough to not just take the easy path and take what is given.* Please don’t take this as conceited, this applies to everyone. It has to do with self-respect, honesty, and discipline.

I see so many people in relationships where it is visible that neither are happy. The question remains, why are they still pursuing it? It can be for several reasons, but I think one sticks out, fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of change, fear of letting go. Who knows what lies beyond this? What if I don’t meet someone else? What if this is the best I can do? I just don’t want to be alone. Another factor is work. It’s hard to meet new companions. It’s much easier to just stay with the one you have. Hey, he/she is right there. So, this fear and complacency add up to two unhappy people going through the motions because they are petrified of the world beyond their cocoon.

How about the people who constantly sleep around or jump from guy/girl to guy/girl. Sure if that’s what you want to do, by all means, go ahead. I can say with some certainty that most of these people aren’t doing it for just the sex (not all mind you), but because they can’t deal with loneliness. It’s tough. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t done things or ignored problems to stave off loneliness, things I am not proud of. This is the discipline part. Being human we are naturally social creatures. It’s how we survive. So, it’s understandable why we get lonely. That being said, why settle for someone who is totally wrong for you just because you are alone? It’s not worth it.

The most important factor is honesty. If you are honest with yourself then you can start seeing bad relationships and end them before you concede to a lifetime of unhappiness. Can you respect yourself enough to hold out for the right person? There is 6 billion people on the planet. If you half it for gender and split it into thirds for age. I’ll even say another third for compatibility. That leaves roughly (estimation of course) 300 million people. Yeah they aren’t all by you, but you can extrapolate my point — plenty of fish in the sea. Personally, I intend to find my perfect, metaphorical fish, and not settle for less.

P.S.

This is more of a clarification for people calling me naive. I do think relationships take work. They take a hell of a lot of work, but it is clear (at least if you are honest) what is something you need to work through and what is incompatibility on a deep level.

*For food, sure. For Love, hell no.

Complacency is the Enemy

Before we start getting into it, you may have noticed I went back to my old style with green replacing maroon. I just wasn’t digging the blue/brown motif. I still can’t get that damn title centered. I will have to enlist some help. *sigh* I always hate giving up.

I have been sort of restless recently, not satisfied with my life and being drove virtually crazy. Some may suggest I might want to change my outlook, but in reality this is how I hope I am in 5, 10, 20 years from now. It is feelings like this which inspire change. It drives me to do better. It motivates me to try to make my life better, fix what’s wrong and if it can’t be fixed figure why; then change the rules so I can. I have been satisfied before. I became stagnant, uninteresting, and boring. I was perfectly happy. I hated it. Something inside told me I hated it, but I was too blinded by everything going on to realize it. I look back and am absolutely disgusted with myself. I can’t believe I let myself be that way. I never want to fall prey to that again. I am on a constant quest to to better myself. Learn something new, invent something, figure something out, solve a problem, something so at the end of the day I can feel I have accomplished something; something so that I’m not just another leech on this whole human existence. The American dream of a wife, house in the suburbs, white picket fence, and 2.5 kids is my ultimate nightmare. If I end up that way I will consider myself a failure. It is not my idea of success. Change is the only constant, so accept it and use it to your advantage. Memories are nice, but don’t let them control you. You have a life to live, so don’t get hung up in the daily grind and go do something.