This Old Kentucky Blog

This past weekend I went on my annual trip to Kentucky to play golf. It’s a good time. A good chance to chill with the old man. You know you only have so many opportunities to do that in you lifetime; so I try to take advantage of the times when I can. Usually this blog is a comical one, being about my experiences in the south. This will be no different. It almost was though. For the first two days I didn’t think I would have any material, but good old Kentucky wouldn’t let me down. And so begins our tale….

Day two of the trip we are heading back from the golf course and we decide to have the bright idea to try to shave 10-15 miles off the intended route. Wow, what a poor idea. We must have taken the most backward route to get back to the lodge. We were going up and down so many hills and narrow corners. These roads were ridiculously small too. Small for one car and these were supposed to be two lane roads. I found myself just praying for no other cars to be on the road. These roads didn’t even have names either. I’m pretty sure the United States is unaware the area is even inhabited by human beings. I can’t blame them too much though, it’s hard to tell when your looking at it. Oh yeah! Get this. We are driving on good ole boy road or whatever it wants to be called and we hear this shot and we turn to our immediate left and we are greeted by a rather large shirtless gentleman pointing a firearm at the ground. That made me feel so terribly safe. I think every restaurant, store, golf course, what have you, we went into I saw a no shirt, no shoes, no service sign. You know my feelings on signs, if it’s there it was put there for a reason. Yeah, Kentucky is a special place. If someone asks you to go and they are speaking of anywhere but Louisville (lulllvlllll if your from Kentucky) say no then promptly run away.

Also, this is my 50th blog! Hooray!



I am forewarning you there is spelling errors.

So, I am officially addicted to the internet. I am outside at 1:30 a.m. in my Nintendo PJ’s, in Kentucky on a very slow (333 MHz for you techy geeks) laptop, with limited to no internet connectivity, and a bunch of natives just walked by me. I can not even imagine what they must have thought. I probably look like the biggest idiot right now. I am also surrounded by a vast number of mosquitoes. I think the mosquitoes understand that I am sort of embarrassing myself to a large extent so for the most part they are leaving me alone. Wow, I am a nerd.

Info on my trip to Kentucky thus far:

Kentucky is hicksville USA. I don’t really care who I am offending because it terribly true. The drive took 6 hours which wasn’t that bad considering I was reading the whole time. During our drive we stop to fill up, fuel and refreshment wise. We stop in the convenience store and to my unsurprise I find a mullet-laiden man with a house arrest anklet on. How charming. Guess what he is buying too. I’ll give you three choices: A. An insightful novel B. Soap and a razor C. Booze and cigarettes. (the answer is C) If you did not choose C. You are hereby dismissed from this blog. Anyway so not only this, but a man and his daughter come in to buy dinner. I must restate this for emphasis. A man and his daughter come into a gas-station to buy dinner. They purchased a large bucket of gas station fried chicken and 2 jalapeno dogs with extra hot sauce. Now ‘dems good eats. AND in this gas station there was a cooler where they usually keep the soda, but according to state law you can not sell cold beer and cold pop. Guess which one they choose, you bet cold beer. Shit, yes son! All this wonderfulness wrapped up in one gas station.

After about 3 more hours we arrive in our destination. Scenic Cadiz, Kentucky. Population: 4 1/2. Man is it a small “town.” I am hesitant even to call it a town. It’s more of a collection of gas-stations and fast food restaurants. After checking-in and eating I decided to sample the local night life. Weeee-oooo, what a selection. I mean KFC, Wendy’s, a closed-down steak house. MAN! After quickly realizing that was a bust I proceeded to ask my dad what he was doing, he said he needed to go to Wal-mart to buy a ink-cartridge to print score cards. We hop on the computer to find the nearest Wal-mart. I mean come on it’s effin’ Wal-mart. There are so many every snowflake could have it’s own. Well guess what? I guess Cadiz wasn’t in Wal-mart’s plan for global domination because the nearest one was 30 minutes away. You really get a sense of being in the middle of no where when a Wal-mart is a rarity. Once we got back from Wal-mart I decided to take some pictures to show you guys the absolute nothingness of Cadiz.

Shouldn’t they just call it fried chicken down here?

Rock out with your cock out!

A gas station that isn’t open 24 hours. Well with MySpace these days what isn’t sacred.

This is kind of the coupe de ta (spelling error maybe, I don’t know French) of my photos. My theory on signs is if they are there that means that the rule they are enforcing has been violated at least once. So good job Kentucky! I can just imagine the romantic evening. You and your lover rushing to a hotel to express your deep passion for each other. Baby! let’s hop on the tractor and head to the nearest Super 8!

That should tide you over for now. I hope to update this again tomorrow and the day after. So for now. Wish me luck as I venture back into this strange and often frustrating land. Cheers. ( I don’t actually say that, but don’t I sound delightfully British?)

Nonsense Personal

My Dad Makes an Apperance

This entry is going to be kind of short, but it’s just an update. Yesterday, I was supposed to hang out with Angie all day, but my infuriating father said I had to go golfing which eats up four hours out of my day. 🙁 After the insanely useless and boring round of golf I actually got to hang out with Angie. It was actually very fun. We went to Smokey Bones to eat and there was this awesome waiter there named Rob which I think I have a crush on. We also went to tutor this kid named Rob. Wow, I just realized that we had a night full of Robs. Anyway, this kid got suspended from school for bringing in an air-soft gun – which probably wasn’t a smart idea. Again, anyway, this kids voice was so slurred it was ridiculous, but we did teach him some Algebra. After that we went to my house and hung out for a couple of hours. We didn’t really do a whole lot, but it was still very enjoyable. Well that is my update. I will post more soon.