ADA, you are on probation!

Today I had the “pleasure” of going to the dentist to have some cavities filled. Quite a few cavities in fact. I used to have questionable oral hygiene ( I have been meaning to have the cavities filled for years). So I get into the dentist’s office and I have no wait and go straight into “the chair.” The doctor wastes no time and sits down next to me and asks if I want the cavities done in multiple visits. I inquire if I can have the all done in one visit so I don’t have to come back. He tried to convince me otherwise but I say that I want them all done now. He then whips out the needle filled with Novocaine. Now, I don’t mind shots, but if I had to choose one shot that I hate the most it would have to be shots in the mouth. Now the shot begins to penetrate my lower left part of my mouth, fine fine, deeper, ok, deeper, a little discomfort, deeper, umm ouch, deeper, ouch how long is this goddamn thing, deeper, get the fucking thing out of my mouth you prick. Now, I had to be stuck with this needle 6 times! After these painful shots were done the doctor leaves the room while my mouth numbs up. I happen to have a small allergic reaction to Novocaine so my tongue and mouth swell a little, awesome right? The doctor comes back and begins to drill. Now I knew I had quite a few cavities, but I could not pinpoint where all of them were. Turns out I had one in my top left side. Guess what didn’t get numbed up. You guessed right. He starts drilling into my non-drugged up tooth. The pain was similar to racking my balls on a bike chain. So he continues to drill through my entire left side, no problems, I don’t feel anything. Then comes the right side, and boy did it come. He starts to drill there, no way buddy! The Novocaine wasn’t strong enough, so they had to pump more into me. 2 more shots, for a grand total of *drum roll* 8 shots in the mouth! While they wait for the Novocaine to set in on the right side the dental hygienist begins to fill in the caved on my left side. She brings out a drill, the first thing to pop into my head is “what is a dental hygienist doing with a drill?” Well she starts grinding away at some teeth, then she had a problem with my gum I guess and starts drilling that. Now I hate to bring school into this but lets brainstorm with some math hear real quick. Gum + Powertool = One Unhappy Camper. The rest is pretty standard I didn’t feel much after that, but there was one point when I had 4 instruments and 2 sets of hands in my mouth at one time. I think they were just playing games at that point to see how much stuff they could cram into my mouth. Moral of this story is, cavities are a bad idea.

I have a little bone to pick with America. Today as most of you know is “Fat Tuesday.” Now on this “holiday” we are told to gorge until we throw up, basically. I kind of want to know why this day is still in existence. Back in times of Jesus, the tradition of Fat Tuesday would serve a purpose, you stuff yourself to the brim because for the next 40 days you are not getting shit. Now it’s like why are you doing this? There is no special occasion except you just want to be a lardass. This is a prime example of why America is so huge. Also, this serves as an example of how organized religion’s dogma is total garbage. If “god” is the only one who can change laws, how can we go from fasting for 40 days to no meat on Friday…if you remember. So, congratulations America! You are still tops in my heart, and on the scales.

When I went to Japan this past summer I kept a small journal to record me reactions and feelings. I am in the process of digitizing these accounts for all of you to enjoy. They should be up pretty soon so look for them.

That’s all for now. Check back soon.

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