Before we start getting into it, you may have noticed I went back to my old style with green replacing maroon. I just wasn’t digging the blue/brown motif. I still can’t get that damn title centered. I will have to enlist some help. *sigh* I always hate giving up.
I have been sort of restless recently, not satisfied with my life and being drove virtually crazy. Some may suggest I might want to change my outlook, but in reality this is how I hope I am in 5, 10, 20 years from now. It is feelings like this which inspire change. It drives me to do better. It motivates me to try to make my life better, fix what’s wrong and if it can’t be fixed figure why; then change the rules so I can. I have been satisfied before. I became stagnant, uninteresting, and boring. I was perfectly happy. I hated it. Something inside told me I hated it, but I was too blinded by everything going on to realize it. I look back and am absolutely disgusted with myself. I can’t believe I let myself be that way. I never want to fall prey to that again. I am on a constant quest to to better myself. Learn something new, invent something, figure something out, solve a problem, something so at the end of the day I can feel I have accomplished something; something so that I’m not just another leech on this whole human existence. The American dream of a wife, house in the suburbs, white picket fence, and 2.5 kids is my ultimate nightmare. If I end up that way I will consider myself a failure. It is not my idea of success. Change is the only constant, so accept it and use it to your advantage. Memories are nice, but don’t let them control you. You have a life to live, so don’t get hung up in the daily grind and go do something.